Trust me, I'm a teacher

You've heard it before: teaching is a noble profession, underrated, underpaid. Teachers touch lives, move mountains, and form the future of America. Both of my parents are teachers, as am I. I've always been proud of them and what they do and people generally nod approvingly whenever I tell them that my parents are educators.

That's why I have to hand it to Maury Gusta, a fourth grade teacher from Gauthier, Mississippi who was recently featured on The Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb for starting a National Elementary Honor Society to encourage and reward students for reaching high academic honors. I applaud his efforts; working with fourth graders is no small feat, certainly.

What I take issue with is the bullshit that followed, courtesy of Kathie Lee Gifford, head of emotional smarminess at the Today Show, in the form of the song "When Somebody Cares About You" which she co-wrote for Mr. Gusta and his students (but I'm sure it was partially so she could pimp out her showtunes). I was listening as I ate my morning cereal and nearly choked on some of the lines: "when somebody cares about somebody else/ A miracle takes place, you can see it in their face." Wow. Deep. Oh, wait, this one's even better: "If we're all god's special children why don't we understand/ That we can be his angels here by reaching out our hand/ Then all things being equal/ We'll come to realize/ The greatest gift is what we see in someone's grateful eyes." At this point, I almost rolled off the couch from the cloying, overly emotional (and delusional) crap being paraded about. It didn't seem as though I was alone, either. Most of the kids looked bored but happy to be on TV at least and were probably wondering when they'd get their tour of the Statue of Liberty and get to visit the FAO Schwartz. The camera panned to Mrs. Gifford who was swaying to the music and looking overly pleased with herself as she grabbed for the Kleenex.

ENOUGH! I say. Enough of this deluded view of the teaching profession as some ethereal carnival ride where each student sits obediently in their desk as the knowledge peddled by the teacher washes over them and suddenly, a ray of light shines down from god, the lightbulb clicks on, and they say "Yes! I understand! It's a miracle!" Then the whole class comes together in song around the campfire.

That's not how it happens. Believe me.

I would like to see Kathie Lee try teaching for the day. Let's see if all god's angels are on her side or if she has my typical day when students don't listen, go on Facebook while you lecture, become verbally combative when you correct their essay or talk to them about why they are failing the course, and they don't complete the assignments on time.

Mrs. Gifford is welcome to make a "miracle" out of those situations, and I wish her luck.