You know, that one scene...

You probably think it's a bad sign when one starts out with a reference to "Bridget Jones' Diary." But I'm going to do it anyways. In the movie, she starts out a new year with a new diary, and a resolution: "will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things."
It seems very sensible and easy to do, except for the fact that it isn't easy. One often finds oneself in a fuck buddy situation, which is all fine and dandy except when one finds that the fuck buddy is skipping out on the sex part of the equation.
Granted, we never really put a label on it, but for about five months, we have had general hang-outs and sex time every week or so. People who are more of stage 5 clingers than I am would maybe consider that a relationship but I'm not deluded enough to call it that, certainly. When it was his birthday, I think I might have written something to him on Facebook, but I can't really be sure.
A couple of times, his indecisiveness about getting together made me ready to cut and run (a text asking him if he wanted to get drunk and hang out got the response "Perhaps"; erm, either a "yes" or a "no" will suffice). Yet he usually would come back with a plan to have a drink, we'd get drunk and have really good sex, and he would leave.
Yet a couple of times he has either been too tired or busy to do the drunken sex routine. Today, we just had lunch (very rare to get together during daytime hours) and he couldn't stay long because oh, he must mail out an application. I watch him from the window as I eat a cupcake, and I see him glance up as he dials his phone. It's probably nothing and yet really, am I stupid enough to think that I'm the only one? I am maybe that stupid, but it still depresses me because I am coming to the realization that maybe I'm looking for a monogamous relationship.

Sigh. I thought I could avoid it, and yet here it is.